It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
