I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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