Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
