Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
