I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
