Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
