I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
