literally had 100 drinks last night.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
