Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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