I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
