Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
