Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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