Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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