I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Acid is not a monday night drug
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
