my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
