forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
