hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
