Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
