I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
