When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
