Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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