That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
