In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
