i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
