i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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