I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
