I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I want to make a zoo with you.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
