If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
