I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
