; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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