Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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