Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
