I can tuck mytits in my pants
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
