end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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