4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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