Im at strip club and am horny
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
