It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
