I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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