i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
