WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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