you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize