I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
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