I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize