It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
