You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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