Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
