I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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