You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
