Yo dont text me then not text me
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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