I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
