Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
