Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize