It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
