all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
