weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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