Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
