I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
