i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize