I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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