I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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