I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
