Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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