Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
